Healing after Abortion: Melissa Mayer's Imago Dei Story
I was raised by a grandma who adored me, but I was always still looking for love, and I looked for it in all the wrong places. I became sexually active at the age of 14, and just before turning 20, I got pregnant. I didn't want to disappoint my mother, even though I don't think there was anything I could have done to win her pride and admiration.
I certainly had no desire to be a statistic, just another single, young woman of color pumping out baby after baby from different fathers, so, at the advice of a co-worker, I made my first trip to an abortion clinic. There, my "problem" was allegedly taken care of. But I didn't stop looking for love in the wrong places, so my "problem" wasn't really solved. I had merely ended the life of my first child.
Not long after, I was again pregnant. At the clinic, I remember alternately praying for and judging the other women in the waiting room. I had convinced myself that I wasn't the same as them, but I had bought the same lies they had: What was growing in me was not a person made in the image of God, there were no repercussions, the future child was better off not being born than being brought into this situation, etc.
For several years after that, I was successful at birth control, but for whatever reason, I stopped using it and relied on my partners. Maybe I began to see abortion as just another kind of birth control.
After three more abortions over the course of nearly 10 years, I was pregnant, and God said, "Enough!" My first born, True, came into the world. But I was still not looking to the Lord for the love and acceptance I so desperately craved. Two and a half years later, I was pregnant again. This time I said, "Enough!" I knew I was leading a double life of singing in the church choir while living a sinful life. I knew I was about to become a statistic, but I refused to attempt to cover up one sin with yet another. I refused to end my child's life. I cherish the day I got to hold my baby, Ever, in my arms.
Many years later, while I was doing the best I could to seek the Lord, living for Him, raise my children to know Him, something always seemed out of my grasp. True freedom always seemed elusive to me. I couldn't get free from anger, guilt and shame. My Christian counselor asked me if I'd ever received post-abortion counseling. I thought that was her job, but she explained that there is specific counseling and healing for women (and men) affected by abortion.
That’s when I found Surrendering the Secret, an eight-week Bible study that helps women heal from the pain and heartbreak of abortion. I had no idea that abortion had touched every area of my life—the way I treated my kids, the way I viewed God and his forgiveness, my emotions, my relationships. I never truly believed I could be fully forgiven for this sin that is never mentioned as redeemable from any pulpit. And I certainly didn't think God would forgive me for having ended multiple lives.
I started to accept the freedom God had for me, and I wanted to tell my story—the story that God had redeemed me. Today, I want to shout that story from the rooftops! God can redeem and give unspeakable joy from what seems like a most horrid sin. (Sometimes, I almost have to stop myself from saying, "Hello, my name is Melissa. I've had five abortions. Let me tell you how God can heal and redeem anything—how He can truly give beauty for ashes!")
Whatever you bring to God, He can handle it. He can redeem it. He can and does give peace and joy. And I am so grateful!
I certainly had no desire to be a statistic, just another single, young woman of color pumping out baby after baby from different fathers, so, at the advice of a co-worker, I made my first trip to an abortion clinic. There, my "problem" was allegedly taken care of. But I didn't stop looking for love in the wrong places, so my "problem" wasn't really solved. I had merely ended the life of my first child.
Not long after, I was again pregnant. At the clinic, I remember alternately praying for and judging the other women in the waiting room. I had convinced myself that I wasn't the same as them, but I had bought the same lies they had: What was growing in me was not a person made in the image of God, there were no repercussions, the future child was better off not being born than being brought into this situation, etc.
For several years after that, I was successful at birth control, but for whatever reason, I stopped using it and relied on my partners. Maybe I began to see abortion as just another kind of birth control.
After three more abortions over the course of nearly 10 years, I was pregnant, and God said, "Enough!" My first born, True, came into the world. But I was still not looking to the Lord for the love and acceptance I so desperately craved. Two and a half years later, I was pregnant again. This time I said, "Enough!" I knew I was leading a double life of singing in the church choir while living a sinful life. I knew I was about to become a statistic, but I refused to attempt to cover up one sin with yet another. I refused to end my child's life. I cherish the day I got to hold my baby, Ever, in my arms.
Many years later, while I was doing the best I could to seek the Lord, living for Him, raise my children to know Him, something always seemed out of my grasp. True freedom always seemed elusive to me. I couldn't get free from anger, guilt and shame. My Christian counselor asked me if I'd ever received post-abortion counseling. I thought that was her job, but she explained that there is specific counseling and healing for women (and men) affected by abortion.
That’s when I found Surrendering the Secret, an eight-week Bible study that helps women heal from the pain and heartbreak of abortion. I had no idea that abortion had touched every area of my life—the way I treated my kids, the way I viewed God and his forgiveness, my emotions, my relationships. I never truly believed I could be fully forgiven for this sin that is never mentioned as redeemable from any pulpit. And I certainly didn't think God would forgive me for having ended multiple lives.
I started to accept the freedom God had for me, and I wanted to tell my story—the story that God had redeemed me. Today, I want to shout that story from the rooftops! God can redeem and give unspeakable joy from what seems like a most horrid sin. (Sometimes, I almost have to stop myself from saying, "Hello, my name is Melissa. I've had five abortions. Let me tell you how God can heal and redeem anything—how He can truly give beauty for ashes!")
Whatever you bring to God, He can handle it. He can redeem it. He can and does give peace and joy. And I am so grateful!
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